There is this feeling of looking over my shoulder. It is very acute, like a physical cloud that follows me around making threats of rain and thunder. I am not accustomed to looking over my shoulder like this.
There have been occasional regrets and grudges, but never a hunch up your shoulders and hunker down for the blow type of shock that I just went through.
I’m really not sure how to move past it, ‘cause like a shadow it’s just a part of who I am now.
Clearly, I’ve moved past the celebration phase, the “high-fivey” click my heals up and make a toast to the end of treatment. When I try to define it, it creeps up over me like a quiet cloud, where I feel more void than physical and real.
Could it be that I am the cloud? Is the Shadow that of God cast over me? Ok, I’m little, I get it.
And I’m big and I’m everywhere too. I get it.
I keep looking over my shoulders, feel the sand slipping, the ocean pulling, like a big wave is gonna’ drag me in.
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Published by Melissa Eppard
I am a professionally trained and certified Life Coach with personal experience overcoming cancer as a mom in my mid-30's. After a diagnosis in 2014 I began blogging as a way to communicate with my family and friends, but it soon became much more than that. Writing was my lifeboat and connection with the outside world while immune compromised and healing from surgery.
Now I’m using my personal and professional experiences and living my dream of supporting others as a Healing Hope Cancer Coach. I help my clients understand their options, develop the best care team and a supportive network. Together we unpack the experience of having a cancer diagnosis, processing the emotional impact of a cancer. I offer stress reduction techniques to help manage fear and uncertainty, and coaching to support healing on all dimensions. After treatment ends, I help people find their personal roadmap through the pain and uncertainty, to a life fueled by clarity, personal strength and a connection to their unique life purpose. From diagnosis, through treatment and recovery, no one should go it alone!
I draw upon 10+ years of work immersed in holistic health and wellness. I was born and raised in the Mid-Hudson Valley of New York and live there still with my husband and son. My survivorship blog Melissashealinghope.com chronicles my healing journey. You can learn more about my work as a coach at MelissaEppardCoaching.com.
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I want to say: turn around, face the wave. DIVE IN! Much love, Joyce
Thank you again and again for being courageous. It is easy to be brave when things are easy. Your journey is the journey of the silent others who cannot or will not give voice to their feelings.
Love, Win
On 3/21/15 11:15 PM, “melissa’s healing hope” wrote:
> Melissa Eppard posted: “There is this feeling of looking over my shoulder. It > is very acute, like a physical cloud that follows me around making threats of > rain and thunder. I am not accustomed to looking over my shoulder like this. > There have been occasional regrets and grud” >