I’m going to roll up my sleeves and show you my muscle. You might think I’m pretty strong, but I’m not.

There is this feeling of looking over my shoulder. It is very acute, like a physical cloud that follows me around making threats of rain and thunder. I am not accustomed to looking over my shoulder like this.

There have been occasional regrets and grudges, but never a hunch up your shoulders and hunker down for the blow type of shock that I just went through.

I’m really not sure how to move past it, ‘cause like a shadow it’s just a part of who I am now.

Clearly, I’ve moved past the celebration phase, the “high-fivey” click my heals up and make a toast to the end of treatment.  When I try to define it, it creeps up over me like a quiet cloud, where I feel more void than physical and real.

Could it be that I am the cloud? Is the Shadow that of God cast over me? Ok, I’m little, I get it.

And I’m big and I’m everywhere too. I get it.

I keep looking over my shoulders, feel the sand slipping, the ocean pulling, like a big wave is gonna’ drag me in.

wave

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2 thoughts on “I’m going to roll up my sleeves and show you my muscle. You might think I’m pretty strong, but I’m not.

  1. Thank you again and again for being courageous. It is easy to be brave when things are easy. Your journey is the journey of the silent others who cannot or will not give voice to their feelings.

    Love, Win

    On 3/21/15 11:15 PM, “melissa’s healing hope” wrote:

    > Melissa Eppard posted: “There is this feeling of looking over my shoulder. It > is very acute, like a physical cloud that follows me around making threats of > rain and thunder. I am not accustomed to looking over my shoulder like this. > There have been occasional regrets and grud” >

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