When parents are trying so very hard to keep their heads above water, they may not be able to show you what it is to be a strong swimmer. It can feel messy and scary, like drowning. As a young woman, I wish someone had told me is to stop flailing, to lie on my back and look up at the stars, and helped me to see what I could have and be if I stopped waiting for rescue.
I pictured each step as walking towards my health. Then I repeated the names of my friends and family who were still facing their diagnosis, as well as those who had died from cancer. I said their names over and over, each step bringing me closer to the finish line.
"the degree to which you can own your own darkness is the degree to which you can own your light."
It’s cancer. No it’s not. It has to be, otherwise why wouldn’t they publish my biopsy results on the patient portal. Why is no one calling back? It’s been over two weeks now. Where are my results? Then I think, this will change everything. And at the same time, this will change nothing. At this… Continue reading Waiting for Results
The vision came to me in the shower. I saw myself standing naked at the mouth of an open cave in front of a reverse halo of blackness. Charise was there too, crouched down to take my picture. I remembered seeing her at that art opening last spring, and the open invitation to do a… Continue reading Why I Posed Nude on National TV
Putting more plastic ephemera out into the world is not helping to our world to heal, nor will it miraculously produce a cure. Follow the money trail on those pink proceeds. And the last thing a woman undergoing cancer treatment needs is a pink ribbon gift. A pink ribbon isn't a badge of courage. Each journey through a cancer is a personal one, and some may gather strength and a sense of purposeful focus from clutching a pink ribbon key chain, or celebrate life with a pink ribbon tattoo. That's cool. But let us look beyond the pink!
I'm still not ready to accept these permanent changes to the way I think, that whole chunks of my life's experiences are wholly inaccessible to me now. It's like a beloved photo album was punted it into the air and many of those key moments and conversations scattered, leaving sticky yellow rectangles and partially filled pages.
Most people have a really hard time asking for help. I was one of these people. It was far more natural to be in a position to helping others, than to ask for help myself. I was a lifelong chronic caregiver. This all changed after a breast cancer diagnosis when I was 33 years old,… Continue reading 3 Main Reasons Why You May Be Afraid to Ask for Help, and What You Can Do About It
I'll never forget the day someone told me that, "there will be a gift for you in all of this." At the time, I was sutured and sore, and facing down a grueling 5 months of chemotherapy. I was simultaneously confounded and confused by that statement. But in the end she was right. There was a tremendous… Continue reading Hidden Gifts
I once canceled an appointment with the oncologist because I felt like I was too fat. Here's what happened... The Dr. had been telling me for the last two visits that it was in my best interest to eat a sugar free, mostly fruit and vegetable diet -either that, or take the drug Tamoxifen. The… Continue reading I found the hidden key to post-menopausal weight loss!