Emerging from the Chrysalis

Exactly one week ago at this time, I was fresh from surgery, in a world of pain and confusion. The last week has melded into one blurry, long day. I am through the first leg of the woods and can begin to make out the other side. Feels good to be in this place where I can begin to feel comfortable in my skin again. I had my first real shower today (which felt like winning the lottery!)

Though I am not ready to resume my normal activities and still need to spend the day resting, I am happy to report that my surgeon said I am healing very nicely. I have these awkward drains protruding from under my arms and they will stay in place for one more week. Not-doing has been a big test for me in all this. I’m learning to surrender more and more.

Gratefully, I have moved through the very anxiety ridden time of waiting for the surgery to actually happen. Much of my way of interpreting the world and incorporating experiences is through visuals. Prior to surgery I kept feeling like something was being taken from me, like I have been betrayed by my body and dealt an unfair punishment. A new image emerged just days before reporting to the OR. It was an image of me, as a beautiful and winged new self emerging from the incision across my breasts. I felt into this image and realized that the surgery was really an offering. I gave my breasts and in turn I get to live. Gratitude is the feeling that comes. As I write this, I no longer have cancer in my breast. I have eradicated my chances of another breast cancer in the future. How many before me had no options, but were only given an expiration date? My head humbly bows in gratitude.

 

butterfly

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12 thoughts on “Emerging from the Chrysalis

  1. God loves you
    The universe loves you
    So thankful the anxiousness of awaiting the surgery is no longer
    Onward my dear girl.
    Blessings on and all around you

  2. I’m so glad that you’re on the other side of all of this. You are truly amazing, Melissa, and you are so eloquent. Having been a very small part in your journey of life….it’s a gift.

    Your writing is beautiful. It would be wonderful if you could somehow get what you’ve shared out to all of the women that are in similiar situations.

    I wish you the very best and I’m sending you positive thoughts towards your healing.

    Jency

  3. As you emerge through Healing, I wish you Blessings and ease and many Joys to come! Rest and Heal well, Melissa and thank you for sharing your journey with us all! We all help each other! Love, Sue~~

  4. So happy to read this Melissa and relieved to hear you’re healing well. These posts are inspiring and gratifying. You’re a brave woman! As always I’m sending love and wishes for continued good healing to you and your boys. ❤

  5. I’d been thinking of you and wondering how you were doing. Sounds like the best possible outcome on all levels. And I love your visual.

    I had something similar happen not long after my dad died which happened totally out of the blue about a month and a half after we’d moved back here to be closer to all our parents. I’d been helping my mom try to figure out what to do with his clothes and was taking a walk down Bluestone road feeling unbearably sad about it when it came to me that he had simply outgrown his clothes, his life here with us and had moved on to whatever was next. Somehow this outgrowing idea took away a lot of the sadness for me.

    On a practical note, do you or your guys need anything? I am crazy busy so I can’t offer childcare right now but I would be happy to bring you some food or fetch something from town for you if you do.

    Sending love, E

  6. Beautifully written and beautifully expressed. The gift of life is so precious. sending love,
    Rick & Sherry

  7. Dear Melissa, all of us here at the Omega Women’s Leadership Center are thinking of you and sending so much love for every moment of your journey. Big gentle hugs from the team!

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