I am a devout Dabbalist.
Meet Catholic School girl, turned Presbyterian by choice in middle school; intrigued by Native American Shamanism in college; honorary Jew as a counselor at a sleep away Jewish camp; moved to Woodstock -seeped in Buddhism, Holism, Kabbalism and crystal worship/healing; worked at the Omega Institute, which started from the inspiration of a Sufi teacher –Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, and has since hosted thousands of workshops in every faith and spiritual practice imaginable.
What did I find in all that exploration? Truth, God, Faith, the Eternal -can be found EVERYWHERE. The prophets and teachers that came with love in their hearts are all messengers with a common thread. I have learned to be very wary of people and traditions that claim that their way is the ONLY way. I am also leery of healers and spiritual leaders that ask you to give over your power to them. This could look like a divisiveness between you and your family and friends, trying to take over your assets, or simply telling you that you will only advance to the next stage of development if you sign up for this lengthy course and purchase all of their books and recordings. Dude, the truth is already inside YOU!
When I was a good little girl, I prayed to God all the time. There was something so mystical about the Virgin Mary statue in our church, the smell of incense, the confessional boxes where we could speak to god through the priest. I prayed for forgiveness, I prayed for my family, for small special favors -promising to be good. Something happened in the pivotal teen years of my life that turned me away from the Catholic tradition and started me on a hard path of really looking for answers about the truth of my spiritual nature. When I was a sophomore in high school, after we had moved to Kingston, it hit the headline news that a young teen of 16 had been molested at my former church in Poughkeepsie, NY. This was probably a boy I went to school with since kindergarten, but I will never know. This priest had only taken up his post the year before, so he wasn’t in fact there while I attended. I was so shocked that a man of faith could do such a thing, and after years of feeling guilty about my own sexuality, it just boggled my mind. I stopped talking to God for awhile.
As a girl blossoming into a woman, the changes in me brought me closer to nature. I had always resonated with the notion of the Holy Spirit, and I could feel this deep connection growing in me between the earth and her cycles and my changing body. My Stepmother was the first person to bring me to Woodstock, NY. She introduced me to Native American Shamanism, to numerology and crystal healing, and now Sally is a fully committed Buddhist. From this point forward, my conversations with God became more like an inner inquiry or a written, poetic exploration. I didn’t ask for things, or pray for specific people or situations. I felt inward for a nudge or a calling. I looked for signs in the clouds and the streams and the animals. I was honing my Gut Feeling and trusting my inner compass.
When first Julian had been screened and found to be on the Autistic spectrum, and a year later the cancer diagnosis struck our family, it was all just too much. I found it incredibly hard to find my connection to Source. I felt like I had been abandoned, and that God had turned his back on me. Was I being punished for something… for turning my back on Him first? I’ve always thought of myself as an essentially Good person, not perfect, but good. Over the years, I had volunteered in various ways, I tried to eat mostly organic, I was a vegetarian for years and years, I cleansed my body once or twice a year. Cancer? What the hell?! In spite of my family history, it was not going to happen to me. How could I have been more wrong!
Before the surgery, as I tried to scan forward, there was only a curtain of blackness which I couldn’t see beyond. Today marks a full 9 weeks… in fact as I type this, at 11:15 AM on 9/16/14, this is the exact moment they were wheeling me in for my life saving double mastectomy. Only now am I slowly finding my way back to a peace with Source. I still can’t find the words to pray, but I have found so much encouragement, support and love in the Faith of all my family, friends and strangers who have reached out in kindness. I have Faith in humanity, and I know that this is where the true Great Spirit resides, in the seeds nourished in each of your hearts. Keep feeding those seeds and sharing your gifts with the world. So much love, kindness and faith is needed now. ❤