Many of you know that shortly before diagnosis, I embarked on a new career path. Wait, more than a career path…
A life changing and empowering transformation was taking hold. I had finally understood on a core level what people mean when they refer to “a calling”. I had found IT and was actively pursuing IT. Let me back up…
Over 8 years ago, while I was working as the Faculty Coordinator at the Omega Institute, I began working with a very special Life Coach named Win. He helped me see doors where I had only perceived walls. He helped me to create some space in my life to allow back in a little play, a little more spaciousness and creativity. All those things were there inside me, but I just needed someone to give me permission and help create a little more space in which I could find my joy again. He had an active roll as a witness and a person to hold me accountable to these quiet, urgent and unmet goals bubbling up inside me.
The last 6 years, under the close tutelage of Dr. Alan Hutchins at Woodstock Wellness, a whole huge reorientation to myself and my wellbeing took place. While officially serving as the office manager, I began to experience a deepening of understanding and compassion when it came to helping others find healing and wholeness. I took notes, I learned about nutrition, detoxification, emotional clearing, energy healing and grounding, and so much more. I worked with hundreds of people, assisting Dr. Alan and the many people that sought his unique skills as a healer.
I would find time and again, that after Alan would “stir the pot”, deep emotions would surface in clients. There would be an openness and a need to reflect on the shift that had just taken place. After the alloted time for the visit was up, the client would report to the front desk to make a payment and reschedule, and often a spontaneous processing session would occur. At the end of these 6 years, when Dr. Alan took the bold step of closing the practice to create spaciousness for his own healing and resurrection of joy, I knew I was ready for something more. I didn’t simply want to fill a void in the job market. I wanted to take all the learning and deepening that I had experienced and put it to good use. That was where CTI came in…
With the Coaches Training Institute I began to gain the core skills needed to one day become a certified Life Coach. I signed up for the full core curriculum, which entails 5 weekends of intensive study, plus lots of time remotely studying, reading and honing your coaching skills by developing a client base and putting that knowledge to use. After my first weekend in NYC, I was hooked. It was more than the curriculum and style of teaching, it was the soul level connection that I felt with all the people who attended our small group. As corny as this may sound, it really felt like we had all made some pact to be there at this time and place long before being born. Our backgrounds and interests were so diverse, but for a group of strangers all thrown in a room together, we really let down walls. I’m pretty sure I can say that we each experienced a big shift that weekend. Exactly 3 weeks after that first weekend training, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
There is a tenet in the CTI model that each person is, “Creative, Resourceful and Whole”. Here I am now. Outwardly I look and feel healthy. I have not yet had surgery. I haven’t yet undergone chemo and the subsequent hair loss. However, the doctors don’t reflect wholeness back to me. They are pressing for surgery as soon as possible and a date will soon be scheduled. I am creative and resourceful… here I am typing this post at 4 in the morning. I want to feel wholeness. Please take this worry and concern and pain off my chest. I am about to be turned inside out… will I make it back to wholeness?
I believe in God or Source or Infinite Potential, or how ever you feel comfortable expressing that idea. I believe there are messages from Source coming at all times, you just need to ask for guidance and be open to what shows up. I know that often this information does not come up in ways that we at first understand or expect. BUT, what kind of message is it when the rug is pulled so abruptly after proclaiming and actively pursuing a new path? On my best and worst days, this cancer diagnosis feels unjust and makes no sense. On worse days, I am so angry and hurt and feel abandoned and betrayed by Source. Will there be a return to wholeness? Will there be some silver lining that comes with this awful experience? Please God, I hope so.
Photo: © 2014 Eberhardt Smith, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
5 thoughts on “Creative, Resourceful and Whole”
Melissa! What an amazing soulful post you just wrote this morning! I feel you, so deep.
Thank you for your post and most importantly your transparency. I feel so relieved to read this. I have wanted to respond to you each time but I am not sure the email will work.
Big love to you and your transformation, I know you’ve got this !
Hugs Jaq 🎈🎈🎈🎈
Sent via telepathic thought x
What a well thought out message for four in the morning, or any time. If I were to “net it out” you said you embarked on a new career of helping people find focus in their lives (helping them heal). Then you were diagnosed with breast cancer and you’ve lost your way, the Source has possible even abandoned you. I’ve found that the best teachers teach from experience not from what they’ve read. You are now experiencing something so horrific that most of us cannot imagine how we would survive even if we would manage to live (the first order of business). When you have gone through surgery and chemo and you come out the “other side” you will have some “heavy experience”. You will be in a stronger position to be a Life Coach. No one should have to go through what you are going through, but a Life Coach with experience is far richer than a Life Coach without experience.
I love you!
You will beat this and come through it with the wisdom to be the best life coach there is. You were born to do this. It is your path. But just like anything worth excelling at you must face challenges, not that you have not but this will make you face all the things you may have faltered at in the past. Brutal and beautiful at the same time this trial will be but you will be here for a long time to come and I fill that deeply in my whole being. Please know we are here for you as a family and if there is anything you need from us, please reach out! Love you and your beautiful family!
It was meant to be for our paths to cross that weekend in NYC. You brought authenticy, emotion, and such a genuine,loving vibe to our CTI class. From the moment we met on the first day, I knew we would be friends. As others have said in the comments to your post, a ‘calling’ cannot be derailed, it is part of the fiber of your being. Even though the timing is far from what you had in mind, neither time nor health challenges can take you away from what calls you deep in your soul. You will return to coaching. There is no doubt in my mind.