Here is the crossroads. The new me in the old cocoon, on the doorstep of what’s next. Trying to reconcile my world view, tipped on its axis. I step forward + still want to scream when I’m faced with holier than thou proclamations of how you can be saved
if only I eat a certain way, fine tune my thoughts, wear the right oils, cleanse on the new moon. I was that person once extolling the Golden Nuggets of Holistic Health Care.
I want to scream, “These Things Will Not SAVE you!” There is no bullet proof vest made of Angel’s hairs and coated in your ability to control everything. Just let that thought go and keep moving on.
Now I am 2 weeks and a day beyond my last and final dose of chemo. This is the longest time I’ve had to let my cells populate and feel at home. -Growing into myself again. Everyday testing the new normal, resuming old habits -a green smoothie here, some yoga stretches there. Acupuncture & healthy foods have been my friends.
I want to make peace with a betrayal in my body. A tattoo for the outside and a balm of reassurance on the inside.
How do you reconcile when doing all the right things, you thought, had led you to awaken the same sleeping dragon?
and where do you go from here?
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Published by Melissa Eppard
I am a professionally trained and certified Life Coach with personal experience overcoming cancer as a mom in my mid-30's. After a diagnosis in 2014 I began blogging as a way to communicate with my family and friends, but it soon became much more than that. Writing was my lifeboat and connection with the outside world while immune compromised and healing from surgery.
Now I’m using my personal and professional experiences and living my dream of supporting others as a Healing Hope Cancer Coach. I help my clients understand their options, develop the best care team and a supportive network. Together we unpack the experience of having a cancer diagnosis, processing the emotional impact of a cancer. I offer stress reduction techniques to help manage fear and uncertainty, and coaching to support healing on all dimensions. After treatment ends, I help people find their personal roadmap through the pain and uncertainty, to a life fueled by clarity, personal strength and a connection to their unique life purpose. From diagnosis, through treatment and recovery, no one should go it alone!
I draw upon 10+ years of work immersed in holistic health and wellness. I was born and raised in the Mid-Hudson Valley of New York and live there still with my husband and son. My survivorship blog Melissashealinghope.com chronicles my healing journey. You can learn more about my work as a coach at MelissaEppardCoaching.com.
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You are so wise Melissa. I wish you a life of health, happiness and peace.
And on ones knees we surrender and say thank you and I love.
This may piss you off (which is not my intention). But is it possible that the “betrayal in my body” is a profound teaching that will not reveal itself logically or intellectually yet resonates on a truth level with your statement, “There is no….. ability to control everything” and that acceptance of such may grant you the peace you desire?
I’m glad to hear you are beyond your final chemo dose. May you continue to attain your new normal. It is wonderful that you are with us. (My Snake Medicine Massage offer is still open.)
Not at all! Profound teaching is totally right, and it continues still. It is so humbling to be reminded how not in control we all really are. While faith in the body and my prior knowledge was shaken, Faith in something greater still grows!
So glad to hear you are growing into your own body again…wise words! Sending healing love from California
i love this post, Melissa. We dwell in mystery. There is no magic amulet. There is only a hardcore faith in something so vast, so perfect, we can’t understand it with our clumsy brains. I love your questions, i love your wisdom. Oh yeah, and I love you.
I’m very glad you choose to blog and share with us Melissa. I’d never try to suggest answers to your questions but i’m here and listening, and grateful for you and your posts! 🙂